Baby, I'm a Sociopath
by Baby Darth Dalloway
Summary: Alison descends the staircase at the ball. What is going on in her mind? One-shot Alison POV with some Emison thrown in. Spoiler just from the promo and photos. EMISON.


Baby, I'm a Sociopath

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><p>"Baby I'm a sociopath, sweet serial killer. On the warpath, cause I love you just a little too much. I love you just a little too much."<p>

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><p>As Rosewood's Queen, you would think the thrill of walking down a staircase, an army behind me, and all eyes watching, would get old eventually.<p>

Yea, it never really does. I live for this.

As I scan the crowd looking for my friends, the girls who have been with me in this mess for years now, I smirk at their shocked expressions. I wonder if they actually believed cutting me off would send me away, would knock me down further. They're clearly deluded. I didn't rely on them for support while on the run until right at the end, and they're naïve to think I wouldn't be just as strong and just as fierce as I've ever been. I don't need to have them at my side, that's what they have not understood all along. And furthermore, I'm the one who's come back on several occasions to save their lives… especially her life.

No. Don't think about her.

I continue down the stairs, my friends watching me the entire time, and while I don't want to make eye contact with the one person I've been dying to be close to again, I can't help myself. How can you not help but get lost in those big brown eyes?

She looks up at me, and even though Emily has grown and is much stronger as well, her face has always been like looking through a glass case to me. Every emotion is just sitting there, right on display. She feels her feelings as they come, never one to try and hide, and it's traits like these that make me love her the most.

I can see the worry in her face, her mouth is pursed, and there's a hint of fear there as well. I'm not sure if it's because she's still under the delusion I'm A, but I think she's terrified of what I'm doing here, what I will do. Four girls behind me and I know her mind is churning and spinning out of control, wondering if our moments alone in the dark are as easy-come, easy-go to me like the bodies flanking my rear, dolls in masks that I've created.

Silly Emily. Out of everyone, you have always been more than that.

It's not just fear in her eyes anymore, but it turns into something worse; hurt. It's as if her brain is on the same wavelength as mine, wondering the same thoughts. She should understand how irreplaceable she is, and always has been, to me. I wasn't lying to her when I asked her to come away with me. I didn't come back to save her life twice without reason. I've kept her at arms length since A returned because I know this bitch is just waiting to find another weak spot of mine to sink the knife in deeper, make the pain that much stronger. None of them understand right now, but one day, I hope they will… especially her.

I finish descending the staircase, and people are greeting me from all angles, worshipping the ground I walk on. Maybe coming back from the dead made me seem even more formidable. If the Ice Queen of Rosewood could survive that, what can't she survive? It's all nice and well, and I can't help but enjoy watching Spencer and Hanna squirm, their boy toys not too far away. They're going to regret cutting me off, if not for the fact that they're completely off base. Spencer has always been good at figuring out the puzzle, but she's never been good at sitting back, looking at the bigger picture and seeing what is actually on the puzzle itself. There's more to this than anyone ever expected, including myself.

I start walking around, going about my pleasantries, and it's then that I spot Emily and Aria watching Aria's phone, Emily's face starting to look even more hurt, and it's also then that I realize I was not hallucinating at the house when getting ready earlier. Spencer and Hanna were at my window, watching me kiss Holbrook. Goddammit. Another piece from tonight that's going to make Emily doubt me even further.

I see her gather herself and excuse herself from Aria. She ends up getting blocked by Paige who it look like is trying to get her to dance, maybe another time this evening. I hate Pigskin.

Emily shakes her off though, her face being that one she always does when she's assuring everyone else that everything's okay. I've always known though, that face is a lie. I've hurt her enough over the years to know the difference.

I see Emily head off towards the rest rooms, and that's when I disappear into the crowd, making sure everyone loses me among the masses so I can go follow her without a tail. Making it out into the silent hallway, I know it worked like a charm.

I silently approach the women's restroom and stick my ear to the door to check. I can't really hear anything, so I quietly push the door open, and it's then that I hear the sniffles… her sniffles.

I enter briskly, shutting the door behind me and locking the entrance with a twist of the wrist. This is a moment I do not want disturbed.

I don't try to hide my presence any longer, letting my heels clack on the floor as I enter. Coming around the corner, that's when I see her tensed over the sink, though trying to brush her tears away, clearly trying to prepare to cover up whatever she was feeling to the intruder she now knows is present.

"Paige, I said I'm fine, I ju-"

She freezes in her turn, looking at me wide-eyed. After our conversation in the bedroom, I think she believed we wouldn't speak to one another again. Emily… how wrong you are about so many things.

I walk further into the room, poised as usual. It doesn't matter that I love Emily right now. The truth is that there is a bigger game at play than any of us even knows, and I won't let my armor down, at least not quite yet.

I throw on my usual smirk, and saunter slowly to the sink, one in between the both of us, her just watching me as I lean over it and look at my face in the mirror, my finger sliding around my bottom lip to adjust my gloss.

I can feel her intensity just a short step away, and she's struggling. I can feel it vibrating in the air around us. She does not want to give in right now, and I can't really blame her, but I'm better at this than she is, I know she'll crack first.

She takes a deep breath, and it's then the hurt comes pouring out of her.

"Is that all we ever were to you? Faceless dolls you could dress up or down to fit your mood?"

I smirk. I knew getting four lackeys to walk in with me would set-off every insecurity in their heads. It worked like a charm, but it wasn't meant to hurt them, it was a power play, an understanding that I would and will survive without them backing me up. I'm Alison Dilaurentis. I can always find more back up.

"Well at least these dolls won't stab me in the back."

I turn to look at her now, her mouth open and teeth showing, her face scrunched in confusion and hurt, and I hate that I need to feel this power over people… especially her. But I need the security.

She closes her mouth quickly there after, shaking her head in disbelief and tilting her chin back towards the ceiling as tears come back to her eyes.

"I don't know what I ever saw in you," she says in disbelief, almost entirely to herself. She takes a deep breath, and pushes off the counter, and I feel her leaving for good this time. She's not just done with this moment, or done with the past. This walk away from me feels different because it's her way of really leaving me behind this time.

And I just can't let her go, even though it's killing her, and me.

I know that A will be revealed sooner or later. I know we will all be safe one day. But in the context of this game, I have to win. I have to win because it hasn't just been my life on the line, but the life of many other people, as recent events have shown. So even if I have to keep pushing her away, even if I have to keep her safe by keeping her away from me, I can't just let go, not entirely. I need her to hope, even if it's killing her. I need her to hope for us.

I grab her wrist as she begins to walk past me. I grip it tightly, because for once I don't want to concoct the perfect comeback, and right now, right here, behind this locked door and these enclosed walls, it's just us. It's just her and I.

She doesn't look at me, but she wants answers just as badly as anyone, and so she waits, waits for me to speak.

I loosen my grip just slightly, rubbing my thumb on her wrist thoughtfully.

"Do you remember the day after we were together, in the bathroom at school? I told you that everything I said to you the night before was true…"

She tenses under my grip, because between the kisses and gentle caresses of that night, many of the words whispered to one another were 'I' and 'Love' and 'You.'

"I know nothing adds up right now, and I know, I just… I know, that there's a lot of pain right now. I know how badly I've hurt you. But I haven't lied about how I feel about you. Not since I've been gone."

The silence in the room is deafening, and I'm waiting for her to rip her arm away from me, to start screaming in tears and yell, to storm off and tell the others that once again, I'm trying to play them all.

She gets her wrist out of my grip, and I prepare for the onslaught… only it doesn't come.

I look up and she's looking over her shoulder at me, her eyebrows furrowed, analyzing me and trying to come to some further decision. I finally meet her gaze, and I pour all the sincerity I can into my eyes. I know how bad everything looks, but I hope that on some level, she of all people, can read and understand me, at least right now, when I need her to most.

I breathe out and look away, deciding I'll be the one to leave this time, and as I walk by her, I can only hope my words are understood.

When she grabs my wrist in return, I realize they were.

She yanks on me and I'm jerked right back into her, her long and strong arms catching me and puling me into her long and lean body. My hands end up on her shoulders to catch myself, and she looks into my eyes deeply, searching for something it seems, before she makes up her mind.

Her lips crash into mine, one of her hands burying themselves into my hair, her fingers threading through the locks. Her free hand shifts to my hip to twist me towards the stalls, and my arms wrap around her shoulders in response, bringing us even closer together.

Even though there's no one in the room, getting in the stall makes the space smaller, gives us the illusion that, at least for right now, we're the only two people in the universe. She closes and locks the door, our lips still fervently battling one another's, as she pushes me into the stall's wall. I gasp at the pressure, her body fitting mine perfectly as her passion pours out. Emily Fields is one of a kind.

As our hands roam up and down one another, I don't know how long we go for, just basking in one another's presence, feeling alive, and, feeling safe, happy to know that each other exists still.

Our breathing starts to become difficult, and Emily pulls back, her forehead resting on mine, and I cup her check and rub it tenderly, our breaths mixing between us, trying to grab a hold of this moment. I open my eyes and look at her, and she eventually does the same. I see deep lust in her eyes, but more than that, desire, and love. To be without the one you love, well, I know the feeling. It makes the intensity burn that much brighter. And looking in her eyes right now, I think she finally gets it. Even though we want to be together, there's something in the way. But in no way, shape or form does that lessen our feelings towards one another.

We keep looking into each other's eyes and before I know it a BOOM BOOM BOOM comes from the door I locked. Thank god for quick thinking. Hanna's concerned voice sounds through the door, and we both are a little frazzled, upset the peace has been disturbed.

But that's the reality. It's not just us behind these walls and sets of locked doors. There's a larger war waging on around us, and we aren't meant to have moments like these, though deep down, I'm eternally grateful for every brief moment like this that I have with her.

"I'll be right out!" Emily bellows, calming Hanna's poundings on the door.

She unlocks the door that's been keeping us concealed. She looks back at me, her brown eyes still confused, still sad, but there's something else there now. There's hope, there's happiness, even if it's brief in form. I think she understands a little better now, and she leans back down, cupping my check and kissing me soundly, letting me know that at least we have moments like these, in the midst of the chaos and pain. In the midst of all of the agony and tragedy.

And then she's gone.

In the blink of an eye she leaves me in the stall and unlocks the door, calming a worried Hanna and leading them both back towards the dance.

It's terrible to hurt the one you love, but that's what our reality is right now. I love Emily just a little too much. Too much to let her go entirely. Too much to just let A know how I feel and let her be killed. Too much because I want her to survive this even if I need her at moments like this, when I have no right to need her.

I take a deep breath and exit the stall, checking myself in the mirror as I walk. I pause at my reflection, and take in the intensity of my bright blue eyes. I know it's wrong to hurt her, to hurt any of them really. But in a game of life in death, where the bodies are starting to equal the people left standing, I don't have a choice. Feelings can be mended, opportunities can continue, but you only get one life, and I won't let A take anymore of them, especially not the ones I care about. Especially not her.

I touch up my lip-gloss, smooth out my dress and hair, and poise myself. I don't know what's going to come on the rest of this journey. All I know is that I hope we all make it to the end of it, and maybe from there, we can create a new beginning. As they say, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

FIN

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><p>Hey Everyone! I know it's been a while, and I recently updated my profile saying I'm taking a break. The hiatus is still on, but this literally just poured out of me last night. I had to post.<p>

Sorry for the angst! I hope you all love and enjoy. If we're lucky, some saucy bathroom scenes may just take place at the dance after all! XD

Until next time!

Oh, and PS, the title is from a song, I don't think Ali's a socio. It's by Lana Del Rey!


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